Beauty for Ashes

In the pursuit of JOY...

2012-01-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

Counting the gifts must begin again. And so Father, I do.

130. The sweet smell of little girls after a bath

131. Molly telling me I smell delicious after a shower.

132. Laughter when Molly says we must find a pink gas station she can visit since she couldn't go visit fire station with her brothers.

133. Watching Bethany run on her little strong and healthy legs, hair flying in the wind.

134. My porch, where I sit and recall the gifts with a cool breeze. Feels like the gentle stroke of Your hands across my cheek.

135. A forgiving and loving husband, who loves me lavishly. Me? So undeserving.

136. Laughter of boys as they play rough and tumble football. Oh, my wonder at boys never ends.

137. Joshua taking care of my feet last night.

138. Scrabble games with friends online

139. Cheap Date nights with hubby at the new gas station pizza place on the corner.

140. You never leave us or forsake us, though I've given you every reason to.

141. Max McLean's voice reading the Scriptures as I follow along, making them come alive.

142. Popcorn

143. Delightful weather.

144. David, the homeless man You've called us to minister to and get to know. Every life has a story. I wonder what his is? Thank You that he is right there on the bench, always under our nose, and Your grace that doesn't let us just pass by.

145. Books

Father, put the salve on my eyes that I may see, more and more, the gifts you bestow upon me. thank You, Father for all these.

love, Your daughter

I love the "now" when it comes to technology

2012-01-09T08:35:00.000-08:00

My dear dear husband bought me an iPad for Christmas and I must say I am enjoying it immensely! Secretly I think he bought me my own because I could not keep my hands off his! But in any case, I remember thinking as a little girl how cool it would be if you could see the person you were talking to. I also remember how far fetched it sounded at the time! And now it can be done on an iPad, iTouch, or iPhone with Facetime. Amazing, simply amazing I tell you. So far my 2 favorite features are the reminders app, Youversion, and Bible.is app. With the reminders icon I can make lists that can't be lost as my iPad always rests in the same place, and it can fit in my purse. I took it to Walmart the other day and happily got all I needed and could then just delete my list. You can even set it to remind you of something at a certain time. The other thing whose praises I cannot sing loud enough are the Bible apps. With Youversion, I was simply giddy that I can get any version of the Bible in any language, with large or small font (large for this gal) and some can even be read aloud. I can highlight, bookmark, make notes on anything, search for live Bible studies, choose from a plethora of reading plans, and the list goes on. Since leaving Facebook because it was completely controlling my life, I decided to go with the very aggressive 90 day through the whole Bible plan. You can even get an accountability partner on Youversion and they can also send you daily reminders. The best part for me is the read aloud feature. See, my mind wanders terribly when I read Scripture and it can take me a long time to get through a chapter that way. I think this was a big reason I dreaded Bible reading, because I could never stay focused on what I was reading. But with the read aloud feature it keeps me focused and my mind from wandering. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I am excited again about Bible reading! Yay!! I also found Bible.is app which is a dramatized reading. I used that this morning and loved it. I remember when the Kindle first came out and thinking I would never want or like an ereader because I just love the book in my hand, and while I do still LOVE books and will always buy books, as far as the Bible goes, I prefer reading it on the iPad. While Youversion requires a wifi or 3G connection, I was still able to download a free Bible to read myself when in the car or at church. So today I am just so thankful for the generosity of God and my husband for bestowing such a gift to me that will enrich my life so much by getting me back into God's Word and being excited about it.

A week late...Starting 366 days of JOY

2012-01-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't even visited my own blog in months and can hardly believe it has been 5 months since I have written anything. And then I come here and the last post causes tears to well up in my eyes again. I guess it is fair to say I am still grieving my dad's loss. Sometimes when I drive by the neighborhood where I last had any real contact with him it surfaces, but then I come here and read my last typed words and it is unthinkable and unbearable. How can the heart even imagine such horrible suffering and pain? 2011 was a really rotten and a really great year all in one. The rotten being my sin and grieving the physical and eternal loss of my earthly father with the ensuing doubts and fist clenching and fists beating the air and screaming internally and sometimes externally "Why!!???" The rotten being me using every form of escapism I can find besides drinking and drugs, losing myself in Netflix late at night, Facebook all day, or whatever else I can run to besides of arms of my Heavenly Father. The rotten year of a terrible backslidden condition where there is hardly any prayer or Bible reading because I just get tired of always feeling like I don't measure up and always bumbling around in my feeble attempts at prayer. The year of confusion. Just what does a relationship with God look like? How do I approach Him? To confess the truth, I have hardly ever approached with anything but terror and shame. I believed the Gospel with all my heart when I was 5 years old and begged God to save me. And now I am 40 and still struggling with assurance. But in an irony that is almost hard to believe 2011 was a year when I was about as spiritually barren as I could it was also the year when He is assuring me that I am still His. He is absolutely determined (which Im very thankful for) to let me know it is ALL ABOUT HIM and HIS LOVE FOR ME. So I feel like I am rambling on here, but truthfully I am just writing from a stream of consciousness and processing all that last year held. I was glad to say goodbye to that year and mildly hopeful about 2012. Well, there I go again, basing the years success or lack of success on my abilities. There is a great deal of fear heading into this year when I look at myself. I mean, my kids are not exactly homeschool poster children academically or spritually. All I can ever seem to look at is my horrible failure as a mother. And I won't even GO there when it comes to being a wife. Let's just say, my poor husband!!

So anyway, back to the original reason for this post. I purposed in my heart for this year to focus only on the positive things God is doing and has done. Being such a complainer and tending to focus on the negative means it will take a purposeful and resolute heart to do this. It will also take some God glasses. Oh, how I need those. I need to KNOW what is true and believe it and internalize it and never let go of it. And so I have decided to start my gratitude journal again and journaling here how the Lord is making this change. I WANT JOY back. I want to be changed. Truthfully, part of me is scared to death for how the Lord will teach this stubborn child these lessons she's been so slow to learn. Oh, Lord, all I want for this new year is a teachable and submissive, quiet heart and to never ever question or doubt Your goodness again. I confess my rotten ungratefulness publicly and ask for Your cleansing and forgiveness. I miss You. I really do.

Good - bye, Dad

2011-08-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

Rayno Honka born September 18, 1948.
Died January 13, 2001
I keep writing and deleting, writing and deleting. I would have loved him if given the chance. As far as I know he lived and died without Christ, and that means that we will never be reconciled in the next life. Things will never be made right. I am really trying to process that.
I am trying to process the fact that my father is in hell at this moment and suffering things I can't even imagine and don't want to. So I am experiencing a grief and pain that is almost unbearable. Not only for what was lost in this life, but for all eternity, my father's soul. And in the end, that is all that matters. If you are reading this, please consider where you will spend eternity and make sure it is forever with Jesus. I will post this on Facebook in the hopes that all my friends will read it and ponder this question seriously. This life is a vapor. This world and all its pleasures are passing away. The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, His Son. I have believed this Gospel nearly all my life and He has been so good to me. I invite you to please, please come to My Jesus. PLease repent of your sins and be saved.

Making memories

2011-07-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

Money is tight and we've decided to not really take a vacation this year and just do as much as we can locally. The boys have really gotten into fishing this summer. We have a lake by our house and they are there nearly every day and nearly every day they catch something. So we decided last week to try saltwater fishing. Mom was pretty excited at the prospect of actually being able to eat something they caught. (Never mind the fact that none of us has the slightest clue how to clean and filet a fish.. oh wait!! Youtube!!) Anyhoo, we set out with grand plans and high hopes. I brought my friend's son with us, whom my boys get along very well with, and she watched the girls at her house. I went to WalMart first to get bait where I came up empty, so the boys reminded me of the bait shop we always pass on the way to our favorite beach. We stopped and picked up some frozen squid, and we also encountered a man who told us about a better fishing spot on a pier. We left the bait shop with squid in hand and as soon as I started driving, a very loud sound reached our ears, accompanied with the van feeling very strange as I drove. I wasn't sure what was wrong; I thought something was caught under the tire or I was dragging something, when the boys assured me I had a flat tire. Thankfully, I was able to pull into an empty parking lot right across the street and thankfully, for the first time in my life, my darling hubby who I would feel lost without, had thought to sign us up for AAA a few months ago. So we called and were informed that the wait would be 1 hour. I had 5 boys with me in the sweltering heat... an hour? Well, it just so happened that this particular day happened to be free slurpee day at 7-11 and there just "happened" to be a 7-11 about a block away. So we walked and got our free slurpees, pulled out our beach chairs and sat in the shaded parking lot waiting for AAA. The boys just played and joked around and I enjoyed watching them. The man came, put my donut on, and we still had time to make it to the beach, though we had to change the location since we were delayed. We decided to try the pier that the man at the bait shop had told us about. We get there and find out it costs money to go on the pier to fish and we don't have enough. So after standing there for some time and trying to figure out who should go on the pier and who should stay, the man told us to try the alternative, the docks across the street, which we did. Well, our grand hopes of catching some fish (and my grand hopes of eating them!) were not realized. But after spending some time trying, we went back to the beach and I just sat there and watched those boys frolic and play in the water, having the time of their life. It was one of those snapshots in life that you just want to remember and hold onto. These days of youth and my full nest are flying by at a dizzying speed, so I am all the more thankful for these moments, when I can watch my children enjoy just being young and free, without a care in the world. At that moment my heart was never more full, pregnant with more than I can express in words. It was a day I will never forget, a day etched in all our memories. This is one of those rare moments in my life where the whole thing just really felt like a blessing. I mean, we sat in chairs in the shade of an empty parking lot while we enjoyed free slurpees and we were still able to enjoy fishing and swimming and each other.This is a cell phone picture and not a very good one, but it captures the moment well. Thanks for all the little tokens of Your amazing love that day, Father.
Thank you for the memories, and thank you for my children.

Two heavenly helpers

2011-07-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I have blogged. I shouldn't even be sitting here now, but I want to record this before it slips from memory. I have always been a very easily stressed and overwhelmed kind of person. The littlest thing can sometimes cause a major meltdown, as in this case. A few weeks ago, Bethany dropped an entire bowl of black beans and rice on the floor. You would think that after having kids for 16+ years now I would be quite used to spilled food and drink, and even be able to laugh at it. You would think.... And truthfully, sometimes it doesn't get to me at all. But on this particular day when that happened I broke down in sobs, covering my face in my hands. (Hey, at least I didn't yell.) I was crying out something to Father, and though I don't remember exactly what, I do know I wasn't giving thanks like I should have been and counting it all joy." Then Molly quickly grabbed a dustpan and started cleaning up the mess without a prompting and Bethany came up and rubbed my back, saying, "It ok, mama. I sorry." How quickly my heart just melted. Even in the midst of overwhelming stress and the fact that my response was not as it should have been, HE sent these 2 heavenly reminders of HIS great love. He does not repay us according to our iniquities. He repays us with mercy and grace. Always. Oh, how HE loves us. Mind boggling, isn't it?

Reflections, looking ahead, hunger and need for change

2011-01-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

I was just lying in my bed reading this book and it just seemed like a good time to post what is on my heart. I am nearly 3 weeks late but I have been wanting to reflect on the incredible year that I just had. 2010 was a year of major changes, major deliverances, and pretty much the best year of my life. It was the year of renewal in love for our wounded and turbulent marriage, a year of deliverance from crippling depression, shedding a bunch of weight, including weights of my own self condemnation, and most importantly, a year of learning what it really means to learn more of God as Father. Having never had an earthly father, this lesson has been one that I have been very slow to learn. He really IS my Father and ALWAYS will be. I am His forever and nothing will ever change that. I am still chewing on and trying to digest this fact; the fact that I can never do anything that will make Him give up on me or stop loving me.

So as I say goodbye to last year, there is a certain amount of fear. Seems like the only place to go from a year like that was down; or actually from a God perspective, that would be up. But my perspective is always marred, always smudged with the black of unbelief. Back to sitting on the hard bench of suffering to learn what I need to learn? Like, ok Tina, now you've enjoyed a lot of good things from Me, it's time to learn some hard lessons again. Time for clouds and rain after lots of sunshine and oh, how I've always been so scared of those clouds and rain.

Now I am having trouble gathering my thoughts... but in essence, I feel like I feasted on all His gifts last year and neglected the Giver. I gobbled them all up and wanted more and more, yet was never satisfied and always coming up empty. I have quickly forgotten all His mercies to me last year and barrelled right into this year wearing the same old clothes of discontent and grumbling, blinded again by unbelief and ingratitude, all the while trying to fill myself, succeeding for a time and then coming up empty again. Running away instead of running to. I need a filling. I need to drink. I am becoming thirsty again. And then that book comes in the mail yesterday... a day when I'm full of bitterness and complaining. A day when I didn't want to get out of my pajamas.
Having a son on the verge of being a prodigal will do that to you. Tear up this aching mother heart whose worst fear seems to be coming true. A day when everything around me screams it has all been for nothing. You failed!! Bad wife, bad mother, bad Christian... bad, bad, bad. And that old enemy of mine just loves to whisper his accusations in my ear, and I eat them up, time after time. But I don't realize they are coming from my enemy and myself. Of course, I am my own worst enemy at times. I listen to the accusations that God could not be good. I listen and the anger and hatred festers. The fists beat hard. I wail and scream inside if not out. No, No, NO!!! No more pain. No more hard medicine. I can't swallow it anymore. I run and hide in my bed. Then I pick up her book.
Her story of healing.

And I am mesmerized. I am moved. I am pierced to the very depths of my unbelieving and spoiled brat heart. There is so much I could write about this book, which I am only halfway through, but time escapes me right now. All I can say is it is profoundly moving and it will force you to dig down deep. It will "mess with you in the most beautiful of ways" Lysa Terkeurst. It makes me want to live. It makes me want to live fully. But like
Ann says, if I am thirsty I must start to drink. Reading about water will not quench my thirst. I must DRINK. I must do something about it. And it is sure to change my life, a life shamefully wrought with ingratitude and unbelief, if I let it. And I am sure it will change yours too. Do I want that change badly enough to step out of the boat and walk to Him?

Reflections on one of the best days of my life

2010-12-18T19:34:00.000-08:00

So today was race day, my first 5k. Wow, where to even start? First of all, I don't feel like I really prepared well for it. We went on vacation for Thanksgiving and I did run 3 times while away and added speed intervals, which did seem to help in many ways, but when we came home busyness and shopping, plus cold weather and my loathing of running on the treadmill means I didn't run as much as I would have liked. In fact, my mind was very much on other things and I had really been focusing more on my gym classes like strength training and training camp classes. (FUN!!) In some ways I was even regretting signing up for the race and did not feel confident that I would do well at all, and just kind of wanted to get it over with. However, when I woke up this morning I got excited and was looking forward to it. And then it started to rain. Really hard. And the forecast didn't look good either, calling for thunderstorms right at race time. And now comes the embarrassing part. I got really, really angry. All I could think of was something I had really been looking forward to and working so hard for was going to be taken away. (Aren't we so silly and fickle and SINFUL? Look what I wrote just above about not really wanting to do it until it looked like it might not happen. Well, deep down I think I really did want to do it, just didn't want to do poorly and embarrass myself. See that whole me, me, me theme again?) It's not that I really minded running in the rain, but I certainly didn't see how I could run in a deluge and what would I then do with my kids? I didn't want them to get soaked and had nobody to watch them if I did decide to run it. The devil just loves to use these opportunities to whisper lies in my ear and cause me to doubt God's love. Wow, nothing is ever new under the sun. And being the dumb sheep I am I fall for it every time and think God is against me and just wants me miserable. So I threw a very big temper tantrum, yelled at my dear friend Karen, and went to my bed to cry and sulk like a baby. I had made up my mind that I wasn't going after hubby said to stay home because it was raining too hard. I just lay there and ranted at God... then started to cry and said out loud, "I've lost all my heart to do it." Then that gentle and still small voice said, "Will you do it for Me?" It was so clear and so obvious it was my sweet Saviour because my heart was immediately melted and smitten and broken and changed all at once. Nobody but Him could do that. Up until that moment it had all been about me: my weight, my preparations, my performance, me, me, me. And then it just all changed at once. A few sweet words from my dear Savior and that was all I needed. It still amazes me that He would choose to speak to me in the midst of such sinful and spoiled brat behavior. And that He would ask me to run for Him?? How could I say no? I had SOMEONE SO much BIGGER than me to run for!!!! I used to think God didn't care about stuff like that. I was too "spiritual" to think God could have any thought for those kinds of things. Hey, you learn something new every day... Well, I got out of that bed, came out and repented to my dear children, my friend, and my husband for my idiocy, and had faith that everything would be ok though the weather still looked awful. To make a long story shorter, I ran that race. I ran it in 33:55, (not a personal best) passing the lady I had been behind nearly the whole race at the finish line, and experienced one of the happiest and most exhilirating moments of my life. And He even gifted me with a rainbow right in the middle of the run. Oh, how good He is!!! I ran for Him, for His glory, and because He loves me. Wow. Thank you Jesus. And I will be turning on the comments for this one. :) Pictures will come later.

Oh, and by the way, it didn't rain for the whole race!

In case anyone is wondering.

2010-11-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

I have started blogging for Jesus. That is why site meter and comments are off. I read this very convicting blogger's prayer, and made the decision. I sheepishly confess that I would obssessively wonder who and when anyone was reading and would fret and stumble over seeing all these people reading and visiting and not commenting... and then struggling with feelings of rejection and worries of "Oh no!" Should I have posted that? Should I have been THAT honest? Now I really don't care. I am blogging for Jesus and myself and if that happens to bless someone else, I thank God, without worrying or ever needing to know this side of heaven if that happens. Jesus, may You be glorified in this blog and in the stories and dances of our lives that You are writing and orchestrating. Of course, this all goes with saying, emails are most certainly welcome anytime. I do most certainly love all my readers, known and unknown and thanks for reading my ramblings. May you all revel in Father's love every moment.

When silence is not golden

2010-11-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

Silence is not golden when we fail to give thanks and praise. Remembering God's gifts is the only way to remember how He loves. Father, forgive the guilty silence as of late.

116-130

the gift of a new Pampered Chef stone when mine accidentally broke. Wasn't sure I wanted to spend $30 to replace it and then the consultant shows up at my door with one.

beautiful piano music playing as I type

a patient and forgiving husband

forgiving children

Molly's free affection

a full stomach this morning

the freedom to go vote today

Florida Virtual School

my beautiful mother

the story from 1 Kings 17 and the very enlightening analogy by my Pastor on Sunday: The fact that there was always just enough meal and oil for THAT meal. And there is always just enough grace for this moment and how we must trust and look to Him continually to provide

my friend Karen and her sharpening ways

text messaging

a huge gift from such a sweet friend... a bag filled with needs plus a beautiful necklace reminding me I am chosen, created, celebrated, and cherished. The fact that it came on a day of particular wickedness and unthankfulness on my part is even more mind blowing.

some great finds at Goodwill yesterday and one of them was a size 4 skirt.. Gasp!

a letter from a friend's son in Ethiopia and to see the love he has for Jesus. SO encouraging!

I did it!!

2010-11-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night, I registered for my first 5k on December 18. Wow, it seems like a dream... A week before Christmas??? !!! Am I nuts? Maybe. I think I'm going to be very nervous on race day and the days leading up to it. I'm really glad my friend Karen will be running with me or I don't know if I would be brave enough. I have started to add some speed intervals to my runs as I heard that helps with speed and I am STILL trying to get through the whole 3 without walking, though I am very close. Walking breaks are now only 15-30 seconds... After this race I think I might just set my sights on a half marathon. I LOVE running long distances! There is a lot of training involved with that so we will see. And I am going to be increasing runs to 2 times per day a couple days a week, Lord willing. I did a strength training class at the gym this morning.. FINALLY! I have been working out with the machines for 3 weeks, but free weights are just a little different. What probably would have been a very hard class a few months ago was fairly easy and I made it through 90 percent with only a couple stops. And the best news of all is that the scale has started moving again and I now weigh less than I did before I had children. Wahoo!! And I have never felt better in my life. I am so thankful. Well, bye bye blog. Off to work.

For this child I prayed.....

2010-10-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

and the Lord has given me my petition that I asked of Him. Happy birthday, Molly. You are the sweetest, most precious gift I think I have ever received and I think that is because I sorely cried out to God for you, just like Hannah. In fact, I really wanted to name you Hannah, but Daddy isn't a fan of that name. I think you look more like a Molly anyway. And your middle name, Grace.. well, I've learned so much more about that beautiful word since you came along. I wanted to tell your whole story today, but time just escaped me. So I will leave it at this note with an ever thankful heart and tell you you bring so much joy and love to my heart and life and I love you so much. And like Hannah, I give you back to Father.. at least that is where I want my heart to be. May it be so.

I love you.
Thanks Daddy.

A heart outpouring...

2010-10-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

If anyone would tell you the shortest, surest way to all happiness
and all perfection, he must tell you to
make a rule to yourself to thank and praise God for everything
that happens to you.

...It is certain that whatever seeming calamity happens to you,
if you thank and praise God for it,
you turn it into a blessing.

If you could work miracles,
therefore, you could not do more for yourself
than by this thankful spirit.

It heals and turns all that it touches into happiness."

~ William Law, A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life

Today is one of those days I wish nobody read this blog... because I am really about to spill my guts. My heart is so incredibly broken from boys who seem to have such hard hearts,bickering,selfish children 24/7,no sign anywhere whatsoever that anyone wants anything at all to do with Christ ,yet in fact completely the opposite ,and in all honesty I sometimes sinfully wish I had never had them. Not because I don't love them, but because I love them so very much that this is almost like the worst torture I could imagine. To see your words, your tears, your pleadings, go disregarded, to see them choose sin and rebellion over LOVE. And then going back to all my sin and failure. Sometimes it is just all too much to bear. Some days when I allow despair to get the better of me, I want my life over so I don't have to face another day, because all I can see when I look at my precious children is how I have failed them. But what can I do but cling to Father and trust Him to put it all right. But the truth is, I am not even really clinging... He is holding onto me and that is all I can even hope in right now. There is nothing else. Because if not for the chains of grace, I would run as far as I could from this mess I have made.

And here comes the real and raw honesty... I tried to do everything right... I taught them, I have disciplined them, loved them, lectured them,rebuked them, played with them,and the list goes on and on and on with a laundry list of sin and failure to go with it. In my mind I think I thought there was a formula and if you followed it, walla!!! You get saved and godly children. And there is a small amount of truth to that. But the one thing needful and the greatest duty I had was the thing most neglected and that was to pray for them. I am so ashamed to confess how little I have actually prayed for these precious children. Could that be why I find myself in a place I never thought I would be and most dreadfully feared? Oh, what does this reveal about the pride and self sufficiency of my heart? I know I can thank Him for all this too because it is how He is cleansing such stinkin pride out of my heart because I know when (NO IF'S HERE) they come to Him, it will have abolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him. And believe me, I'm praying now.

I don't know why I put that quote in this post... but I am giving thanks for God opening my eyes to the pride in my heart, thanking Him that this is happening, yes, because it is teaching me to trust Him,to wait on Him, to cling to His promises. There is absolutely ALWAYS a reason to give thanks. And it is how I can keep a quiet heart. And oh yeah, the Apostle Paul does happen to tell us to give thanks for all things.

Happy birthday, Jeremy!

2010-10-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

Add caption

You are 14 today. Sigh. You have always been so special to me. My best memory is you sitting on my lap as a little boy and telling me I was your best friend. I hope it will always be so. Well, until you get married that is. I know you say you never will, but you never know what God may have in store for you. Sometimes I feel sorry for you because you are so like me in personality. Well, only because some of those personality traits can be very difficult to deal with. Thankfully you did not seem to inherit my extreme sensitive nature, but you are quite flighty and impulsive, changing directions with every blow of the wind. I pray God will give you stability and plant your feet firmly, yet keep discovering. You make us all laugh with your goofiness and playful ways, and you add life to any party! I love the way you love and play with your sisters and how they delight you. You are going to make a great father some day!! My prayer for you today is that you will know the great love our Father has for you and that you will give your whole heart and all that energy to Him. I know you are His and I know He will be faithful to you. Thank you for always praying for Mom when she struggles. Oh, you have no idea how much that has meant to me over the years, and the fact that you told me you were praying for me. It meant the world to me. May Father never let you forget how quickly He answered those prayers. I love you and I am so thankful for you. Today we celebrate the gift of you.

I am wounded

2010-10-07T09:12:00.001-07:00

Since I can't really confront the people that have hurt me and I must get it out, I choose to do so here. I have been wounded. I have been rejected by some whom I have loved so very dearly and so desired a friendship with. Part of me even feels silly, but then again, the hurt and pain is just not going away. I know I can't confront the person because they would likely just blow me off or not understand it and I really think at the heart of it lies a personality thing. But it still hurts. No matter the differences in personality I really love this person and knew I could learn a lot from their godly maturity. But they don't seem to want a friendship with me. And that hurts. It hurts a lot. And Father, You already know it, so I don't have to say it, but somehow typing it out helps.
And the truth is, You are teaching me through rejection. Teaching me that I can only really depend on You. That You are really all I need at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks of me. Oh, how my self worth has always been determined by others and oh, how I want to be free from that. Father, my sense of worth is in You alone. Please let that sink in.

You know something? Being made the kind of person I am, sensitive and all that, life has held a whole lot of emotional pain and rejection at the heart of that pain. Rejection by the very ones I loved and admired the most. Well, I know YOU know that. But I am also realizing how good it has been for me. I am finally seeing past the pain at the good You had in mind. The good of being able to enter into other people's pain, the good of being able to care about and carry their burdens, the ability to love so fervently and care so deeply. I don't think I ever would have possessed these things if it wasn't for the pain You so lovingly allowed in my life. So now I know there is always a reason to give thanks for everything, even what was written above. Thank you for giving me eyes to see.

There is a song by Sinead O Connor that I recently put on my iPod and David Crowder even did a remake I believe. There is a line at the end that goes like this. I'm not really sure she was talking about or to God. Knowing what I do about her, she probably wasn't. But, oh, those words hold such powerful truth.

Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for tearing me apart
Now I've a strong, strong heart
Thank you for breaking my heart

Count your many blessings....

2010-10-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Name them one by one, and it will surprise you, what the Lord has done. (or something like that) I am a couple days late on this, but oh well, better late than never!!

101. a surprise lunch date with dear husband on Monday

102. the delightful surprise of cooler, breezy weather

103. the wisdom of dear friends who are farther along in their walk with God

104. pumpkin pancakes

105. pumpkin pie yogurt

106. the gift of Jeremy 14 years ago this Friday

107. Molly making us laugh

108. Joshua and Andrew scrubbing the floor and deep cleaning their room on Saturday

109. Joshua's love and care for his sisters

110. Andrew's love and hugs

111. going to the gym with my boys

112. the prospect of going to the gym with a dear, dear friend tomorrow!

113. the promise of all the grace I need today

114. an unexpected and unasked for blessing... yet a need we had... Oh, how kind and gracious He is

115. He is mindful of the little things

Do I really have to stop? Yes, I do... at least for now. Thank you, Father.

2010-10-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

This video was so fitting for me to watch as I hobble along, injured this morning. Oh, how beautiful!!! (You will need topause music on sidebar to watch)

What I am thinking...

2010-10-05T07:59:00.001-07:00

as I sit here this morning feeling like the most wicked and vile person that has ever walked this earth.... is that I still cannot wrap my mind around the Gospel and that God could love sinners, of whom I am chief. It just seems too stinkin' good to be true. But it really IS true. I know it in my head because I know God's Word is true, but the times it really does sink into my heart, and I realize what I am and that all I deserve is hell, yet He died for me, LOVES me, and even gives me good gifts to go along with that, I am full of wonder; eyes and a heart of wonder that I never want to lose. No wonder someone wrote Amazing Grace. It is amazing indeed. So amazing that it does sound too good to be true. Here's a confession: I have NEVER thought of the Gospel as too good to be true until now. What does that say about me as a Christian? That I have never properly understood the Gospel? Probably. I have thought myself a Christian for many years, going back to when I was a little girl and going to the altar every week and asking God to save me because I thought I had been so bad during the week that I had to ask again and only earnestly trying to follow the Lord for the last 10 years. Yet I am only scratching the surface of Grace. Could that be why God allows us to see how vile and sinful we are sometimes? I don't really know. All I know is this:
Father, please let me never lose the wonder and amazement of Your Grace.

Random post

2010-10-01T06:36:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I'm sitting here in my new, very comfy pajamas and blogging when I should be doing many other things: like school planning, reading lesson with Molly, menu planning, scheduling....the list goes on and is so big and today I am extremely tired from a terrible night's sleep. I joined another gym... I decided to quit the other one because I just never felt comfortable there. It was a small gym and I always felt like I was in a fishbowl. And I never had anyone to go with.
Anyway, I joined 24 Hour Fitness and am looking forward to getting toned up and dropping the rest of this weight. They have lots of classes, including yoga and ZUMBA! which I have been wanting to try for a while. And the machines! Wow. They also gave Brendan and Jeremy a 1 month pass. They went last night and really enjoyed it. It's nice to have someone to go with, especially my kids! I also have an appointment with a personal trainer on Monday for 1 hour and I am looking forward to that. Of course, I can't pay to have a trainer all the time, but maybe she can give me an idea of what I should be doing.

I think I might like to be a personal trainer someday and help people. And I really think there should be a Christian biggest loser show. Ughhh, I was so excited to watch it this season, but now don't know if I can stomach J.M.... tv sure has changed in all the years since I have actually watched anything. It's really sad.

I read in the paper of a woman who started running just a year ago with Couch to 5k and is now getting ready to run her first marathon on October 10 in Chicago. And she is 52!! So inspiring. My first 5k is fast approaching and I just may run the whole thing, at least I really hope. My dear hubby has become my running partner and coach and it is now very clear to me that I haven't been pushing myself hard enough. He is really good at that and now I run at least 28 minutes of the 35 it takes to run our 3 miles. I still can't believe how he can totally smoke me after running about 6 times now?? Oh well, I am just so thankful for him. What a precious gift from God and it meant so much that it was HIS idea to run with me. Well, I think it must be time to try to get something accomplished today.

Oh, I want to go!!!

2010-09-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have posted something new here and every time I come here and look at it, my heart is soooooo stirred...It all started with a sermon last weekend about taking risks for God, and this website, The Joshua Project, was mentioned. These people have never heard of Jesus!! I want to go tell them.... but I suppose there are people right here that need to hear of Him too. I think the problem here is that everyone seems to think they are a Christian and everyone knows Jesus. Not so with these people on my sidebar. Oh Lord, make me willing to serve You here in any capacity, or send us!! The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Oh, that many would be willing to risk their "safe", American, comfortable lives and leave all to tell these people made in Your image of Your Son who died. Oh Father, bless the ones that have given and left all of this to follow You at any cost. Bless their labors, Father, and please send more. Amen.

(random post of what's on my heart at this moment)

Happy birthday, Brendan

2010-09-28T11:14:00.001-07:00

I can hardly believe you are 16 today. Yes, everybody says where does the time go and now so do I. What I really wonder is did I learn the lessons that the swift passage of time taught? I hope so, but I know I haven't fully. Today is a bittersweet day. Things didn't really turn out for you as I had hoped and dreamed when I dreamed about becoming a mother. The truth is when you were born I was totally selfish and clueless and terrified all at the same time. And I didn't realize all that motherhood was going to cost. What I do now is ask your forgiveness for all my sin and selfishness all those years.. I can't get them back. But I continue to pray that God would restore the years the locust has eaten. I know HE is and He will because Father is faithful like that and His Word is true. I love you, Brendan and am so thankful for all the gifts you bestow on me every day. I am thankful for the gift of you. I pray that God in His infinite grace and kindness would wash away all the bad from your memory and enable you to hold onto the good. May the Lord stand in the gap of all my failures as your mother. Love, your thankful mother, who will always need your forgiveness.

Happy birthday, sweet girl

2010-09-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

Bethany is 2 years old today. It hardly seems possible. Oh, why must it go so fast? Oh, little girl, how I love you. I asked for you. I sheepishly told Father it might be nice if Molly might have a sister who could one day be her best friend. And in His infinite kindness and wisdom, and to my surprise, He freely gave.
My one and only desire is that you come to know Father's wild and crazy love for you all the days of your life and that you will strive to love Him and serve Him with all your heart. I want you to be wildly in love too!! Sometimes I can get scared when I think of the things you and your siblings might face in this life. The world is changing and it is not always a friendly place, but all you will ever need is found in Father, who will always do what is good for you. And I can rest in that. I will mess up. I will fail you. But Father will never fail you. Oh, may you have the gift of knowing this even from a young age. Happy birthday, Bethany. Love, your thankful mother, who still wonders at Grace.

The way Father loves

2010-09-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it really does boggle the mind. I typed this post out a couple weeks ago with a trembling and fearful heart, not knowing what this year would hold, and there was so much fear of failure and in a sense it felt like I was brought kicking and screaming into another year of homeschooling. I had a laundry list of excuses and a trail of sins, scars, and failures to justify my fears and God still would have had every right to be angry with me.

Yet, Father's love is so far from what we deserve. School started with Molly this week. It's very simple right now: just teaching her to read with some writing and working through some preschool books. It all takes about an hour, and by the end of that hour I feel so inspired, motivated, with fresh courage and happier and more satisfied than I can ever remember. Maybe homeschooling can actually be enjoyable? Really? Have I ever dared to even hope for such a gift? Sadly, to confess to wretched unbelief, the answer is no. But He had some surprises and new beginnings in store for this stubborn, unbelieving child of His.
Even as I type the tears well up in my eyes remembering where He has brought me from... days and months and even years of wanting to die, lying in bed, crying all day, so painful just to be. Yes, I spent years in such a crippling depression that just to get out of bed was the hardest thing to do. He didn't have to pull me from that pit. There are millions of people at this moment that are right where I was with not even a Father to love them like I have. They are alone, most suffering in silence not knowing there is One Who could rescue them. And then there are some who DO have my Father, yet still suffer. Oh Father, give grace, please... That really hurts. I didn't deserve to be pulled out. I don't deserve any of these precious children. I don't deserve to be experiencing the blessing of homeschooling them still. I don't deserve for things to be going so well with a very smart little girl, who is a delight to teach. (Girls are just different, as I am quickly finding out. Not smarter, just different) But that is the nature of HIS love. He gives us what we don't deserve: Grace, and more Grace, and more Grace.... Oh Father, I never want to forget it. So I lie prostrate and give thanks. Oh,
HOW HE LOVES US.
Please pause music on sidebar to listen.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Second chances

2010-09-13T20:22:00.001-07:00

I sat there on the couch with Molly next to me, Bethany on my lap, and this book opened up; the same one I used to teach all the boys to read and it got so much use, we had to buy a new one. We had our first reading lesson, she and I. Oh, she did so well and was so happy to be doing it. Mama delighted in her and praised all her work. Then we sat at the table and did cutting and gluing and little girl was so excited to tell her Daddy all about it when he came home and Mama was happy too. So begins my homeschooling journey with my first daughter. It was natural. It was fun. There was no pressure. My slate is new and the possibilities are endless. I may just end up learning to love homeschooling after all.

If you really want to see God in all His beauty

2010-09-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

you have to be willing to look everywhere, even at the seemingly ugly...

89. a lost or stolen iPod

90. an ugly and large breakout on my leg

91. hair that is falling out in record amounts

92. whining and complaining children

93. interruptions

I once read somewhere that if you want to be free from a particular sin, you must practice the opposite grace. And so this reforming complainer is giving thanks and seeing with new eyes. I'm drinking the joy elixir, as Ann calls it. Would you like to?

And the gifts continue....

94. a night away with my love

95. teaching Molly to read

96. beach sand under my bare feet

97. my first 3 mile run with a partner, my love

98. fresh veggies and fruit in abundance

99. answered prayer for a friend

100. sweet fellowship

I'm so excited.....

2010-09-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

I could burst. I have actually managed to secure a babysitter overnight for my brood so my wonderful husband and I can escape to a hotel on the beach for one night... and that also means a sunrise beach run on Saturday morning. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So thankful for dear, selfless friends who love to bless others.

Blessings in disguise

2010-09-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

Everything turns into a blessing when you have a thankful heart.

78. broken ac in the van

79. loneliness

80. tiredness

81. weakness

82. bad weather when I want to run

83. bickering children

84. hot, humid weather

85. mosquitoes

86. physical pain

87. broken hearts

88. These workouts, which just might whip me into shape, or kill me in the process :)

2010-09-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

Oh, I just love the happy and carefree spirit of this picture.

I am so thankful for these girls. Yes, I love my boys wildly too, but having these sweet little girls at this time in our lives has been the most incredible gift and has added so much joy and happiness to our home. I missed so much of this fun age when the boys were little. It's so sad to me, but since we are not to look behind us, I just won't go there. But I'm not wanting to miss a minute this time around. I think that is one reason my heart is so torn about homeschooling. All I really want to do is spend time soaking up the girls and all their cuteness and pouring so much into them at this all important age. I want them so close to my heart.I love the boys so very much and they are so precious to me, but I am finding out that a mama with her girls is just different! We can be close in a way I can't be with the boys. And I'm feeling this even more as my boys grow older and they are stretching and desiring more independence.
Sweet Molly tells me many, many times a day how precious I am and that I am her best friend. Oh, may that always be so. She is such a lovey little girl and so affectionate. Bethany is saying so many more words now and it is so adorable. She is quieter than Molly, but they are playing together so much more now and it's fun to watch. They are the sweetest things ever and I am just so thankful for them.

And the Giftgiver keeps giving....

2010-09-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

67. refreshment that sleep brings

68. the promise of 3 meals today

69. reading THIS book to Molly and Bethany

70. Molly's giggles from a tickle-tackling brother

71. This book

72. a dear, dear sister in Christ, who is such a kindred spirit. (I love you, Missy)

73. lesson planning

74. home schooling

75. getting back to the weight I was before having children

76. reminders of God's overwhelming faithfulness in the past

77. promises of continuing faithfulness... "I will never leave you or forsake you." Wow, what a promise. Father, please don't let me leave or forget You today.

Bursting with Thanksgiving

2010-09-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

“To be bursting with thanksgiving is a true witness of the Spirit within us. For the voice of thanksgiving speaks without ceasing of the goodness of God. It claims nothing. It sees no merit in man’s receiving but only in God’s giving. It marvels at his mercy. It is the language of joy because it need look no longer to its own resources.

The Christian rejoicing in this blessing of a thankful heart will have his eyes fixed upon the right person and the right place, Christ at God’s right hand. He cannot be taken up with himself without being immediately reminded that everything he possesses is the gift of God.”

—R.C. Lucas, The Message of Colossians and Philemon

Oh yes, to be bursting with thanksgiving!!!
What my soul and heart longs for is to be happy; a joy so deep and a peace so overwhelming that nothing could ever shake it. How is that to be had? Could it really be as simple as just giving thanks? Yes, Father, I really DO want to see everything as a gift. I am ready. And so I return to my endless gifts list. It has been so long, yet this is where the real heart change will take place. And that is all I want. To have a heart that is at all times bursting with thanksgiving with the wonder of Your grace. Forgive me Father, for such ungrateful silence. I bow my head low and begin counting the gifts anew.

54. sisters playing together

55. strong legs

56. sunrises

57. sunsets

58. rambunctious, strong, healthy boys

59. sweet, sweet girls who give lots of love and hugs

60. the hope a new day brings

61. dear, encouraging husband

62. the way you made me

63. friends who understand

64. soothing music

65. hard hearted sons who teach Mom to love like You love

66. And this:

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

I guess I'm not a morning person after all

2010-09-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

At least not a 5 am every day person. It happened one day and the rest was a wash. And I also discovered I don't like exercising early in the morning. I never have been a morning person and to get up and try to run or do a Billy Blanks dvd first thing is just not that much fun. Well, I DO love the watching the sunrise part, but sunsets can be just as inspiring, and if I want to get the most out of my workouts and have stamina, I think it must be in the evening. I did some weight training the other day, including squats with a kettlebell, and spent a good part of yesterday on the couch and the other part wincing every time I had to move. This morning when I woke I just wasn't awake enough to run, and now after 2 days with no running, I am definitely realizing I am addicted to it! I love it so much and depend on it to keep my moods up.

I watched a few yoga videos the other day and discovered I might like to try it. I definitely don't like the whole new age stuff involved with it, but a friend of mine has become an avid yoga woman and she looks amazing and is firming up nicely, all just using her own body weight to make her strong. I just look at some of those poses though and think "YEAH RIGHT!" Billy Blanks would definitely scold me for that kind of attitude and thinking.

In other news, I am planning on entering my first 5k on Thanksgiving Day. I am really excited about that and right now the goal is that I will at least be able to run the whole thing without having to walk. We will see.. right now I can run about 3/4 of my 3 mile runs. It is fun and motivating to have a race to look forward to. I can't wait to cross that finish line and then fall to my knees and worship the One Who will have made it all happen. I am so thankful for my legs and the fact that I can even walk, let alone run. What a precious gift.

So this post has been mainly about exercise. I guess that's because I really don't feel like talking about how our second week of school went. It went. I'm so glad the Lord is more patient with us than I am with myself or others. He is not in a hurry and neither do I want to be. One thing I want our days to be more than anything is relaxed. I hate hustling and bustling to and fro. When I read about Jesus, I see Him as relaxed and never in a hurry. Oh, how I need His guidance and direction for us and our school. How I long for learning to be a delight for the children and not a burden. I trust He will do this too because I have prayed for it and it is a good thing I ask for.

Ahhh.. it's September!!! That means October and the hope of cooler weather is only a month or so away!! It also means the return of my favorite coffee creamer, Pumpkin Spice, along with pumpkin desserts in fall baking magazines, all of which are not conducive to my diet. I will have to learn the art of splurging on 1 day a week, which I have been practicing already and getting "somewhat" better at. The arrival of September also means we are about to be inundated with birthdays. 3 of my 6 children arrived into the world in September and 2 in October. 5 birthdays in 6 weeks. I am so blessed.
Well, duty now calls and I must answer!

Lesson from this morning's run

2010-08-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

I just love it when Father teaches us through His creation. This morning as I set out for my run, I was gifted with the most absolutely breathtaking sunrise I have ever encountered and that includes my beach runs. And when I say it took my breath away and had me choking back tears beholding the wonder and beauty of it, I really mean it. But on my way back, in a matter of minutes, it was gone and gray clouds covered the horizon once ablaze with color. (oh, how I wish I had a photo to share!!!)
As the clouds gather in around my day, as they most surely will at some point, I will carry the memory of this morning's object lesson and remember His glory and shining Face is right behind the clouds, just waiting to break forth again at the appointed time. And I will wait expectantly for it.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
William Cowper

Will wonders never cease?

2010-08-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

It is 6:13 am and I have been awake for one and a half hours and am now ready for my morning run. Let's hope this is the start of a good habit. With Father's help, I got up today and that is the goal for this week. As I sat down on Saturday to work on that schedule, (after much prodding by the Spirit and me finding nearly every distraction I could to keep me from it... I wonder what in the world makes me fear it or shrink from it) I got up to 9 am and Father told me to stop. I thought, "Stop? That's it?" Yes, for now, that's it. Start slow. Let's practice this, let's take small steps. Ok, yes, Father. That is good. I can handle that. You see, every other time I have attempted to get a schedule made, I cry when I look at it because I am overwhelmed by it. Ok, as an aside, why do I cry all the time anyway? Why do such seemingly small things overwhelm and stress me out? It turns out I am a "highly sensitive person". Last week, during a meltdown and feelings of overwhelmed despair crashed in over me, with tears of desperation I typed out a note to a dear sister in Christ . Somehow, after reading her blog for 3 years, I just knew she would get it. (By the way, if you are not reading her blog yet, please start!!!) A book was recommended to me among other kind and encouraging words. It is called The Highly Sensitive Person and I found this book to be strangely comforting in that while reading, I thought, "Hey, I'm not a freak after all! There is nothing "wrong" with me." Of course, I shamefully should have always known this because that is how Father MADE me. Oh, the devil can be so cruel and I ate up all the lies he fed me and still do at times.

This book has helped me so much and given me a certain sense of peace and accepting. Father knows and He made me and He does all things well. And now I see that is why we are starting so slow with the schedule. He knows I can only handle small amounts of change at a time. He is so wise and kind. How I love Him!! Now I'm off for my run.

I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

What God really wants

2010-08-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

I woke up late today. I am still in my pajamas. And usually I would feel like a huge pile of guilt for this. I laid in my bed for a while and read Molly some books, and talked to the boys about all the movies I would not let them watch because I didn't think they would be good for them and yet they kept persisting, persisting and asking over and over. Then the arguing and fighting and ugly talking ensued back and forth to each other. And I "could" listen to satan tell me it's all my fault because I've been a bad mother and what's the use. Or I could yell at them and tell them to stop talking like that to one another. But I pulled the covers over my head with tears welling up and asked them to leave my room so I could pray. I just laid there in the fetal postition with the covers pulled over my head and sobbed. I cried out to my Daddy and told him how helpless I was and how much I needed Him. I just cried and asked Him to be with me today that all I wanted was childlike faith and to please Him. I begged for help with that schedule or routine I know He has been ever so gently and patiently waiting for me to get on. I just laid there and cried and begged like a little baby. And you know what? I have never felt Him so near me, so close and so comforting. Oh, how easily we lose sight of this one precious thing that He is after: our brokenness, our nothingness, our utter, helpless, and complete dependence on Him. Now after having that sweet talk with my Daddy, I am ready to skip through my day with the lightest of hearts.

A new school year begins....

2010-08-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Oh, the mixed emotions I have about this school year. There is so large a part of my heart that wants to keep my precious children home and close to my heart. I have all these dreams of how I would love our homeschool to be. I want it be a delight for them to learn, for all of us to learn and discover together. I want it to be relaxed and a natural part of life with lots of books and hands on learning. But I have never been very good at making that happen. I just don't know how. I am also afraid. Afraid that the season I have had to actually do things to take care of myself for the first time ever in my life is now gone and that I will now let myself go again and slide back into overeating, eating the wrong things because I don't have the time to eat healthy, and consequently falling back into mood swings and depression. Afraid that I just won't do a good job, won't get on a good schedule "again" (been struggling with this one for YEARS), won't stick with the curriculum I've chosen and the list of fears goes on and on and on. Yesterday was such a busy and hectic day and I literally didn't stop all day until about 9 at night and was totally exhausted with nothing left. (and I didn't even get it all done!!) And I just cried, telling the Lord I just couldn't do it, I didn't WANT to do it. I've been doing that for a looooooonnnng time, telling God I just can't do it, thinking of every reason in the world why I can't or shouldn't do it. Sound familiar? Ummmmm, does the name Moses ring a bell? I wonder how many times the Lord's anger has been kindled against me?

You see, I never have done well at homeschooling. I've never been very disciplined or organized and trust me those are two things you really NEED to homeschool well, at least in my pre-conceived notion of successful homeschooling. My 3 oldest started Florida Virtual School this year. Some may wonder how in the world I could still be having such a hard time with the whole homeschooling thing since my 3 oldest are now doing virtual school and my answer is that just shows how large my organization of time and discipline problems really are.
My oldest is a full time student which means he is officially not a homeschooler anymore. He had an orientation and choosing his classes on Friday and when he came home I just broke down and panicked with tears and freaking out. All I could see was this big neon sign flashing FAILURE! FAILURE! in front of my face. (meaning I failed to give him the best homeschool education and that's why we had to take this road... are we noticing a me, me, me pattern yet? Oh, wretched self takes on so many subtle forms) And then came all the fears when I saw the classes he is actually going to be taking and the lies he is going to be continually bombarded with EVERY day. Then it hit; the need to TRUST HIM. Trust that HE is holding these dear children and that they are His, whether they have actually come to Him yet or not. See, I believe with all my heart that God promises to save our children when He saves us. I just always have. I know there are many who don't read Scripture that way, including my own pastors and congregation, but I do. I believe if we are as faithful as we can be to love and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and NOT be hypocrites, that they will not depart from it. There are times of unbelief, like the other day, when I panic and fear, and then the Lord gently reminds me that He's got them and I don't need to fear or worry. Fear is unbelief, and fear of failure is just pride, which the Lord still needs to cleanse out of me.

Speaking of Moses again... our pastor preached a sermon some years ago that has stuck with me and I have been particularly reminded of it lately. His mother, by FAITH, put him in the basket and GAVE him back to Pharoah's daughter. Have you ever thought about that? After she nursed him, she gave him back, knowing full well who and what she was giving him back to. And God was in control of it all and had some big plans for Moses. And we all know the end of the story. I don't know what plans He has for my children, but I do know that I want that kind of faith, the kind his mother had. And I surely NEED it as we begin this new school year.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Weight loss journey

2010-08-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Susan asked me some questions about the weight I have lost so that is what this post will be about. I thought I would give some backround information first. I had never really been obese or really overweight in my life until I got pregnant with Molly 4 years ago. I gained a 100 pounds during that pregnancy and after I had her I still had 80 pounds to lose. Some would wonder how in the world I allowed myself to gain that much weight... and the honest answer is I was just a glutton. I didn't care. I ate and ate and ate without thinking twice. Now for a good deal of my life even as a Christian I have battled depression with even suicidal thoughts, and a dear friend of mine recently told me she remembers my pregnancy with Molly being the worst time for me emotionally. I don't really remember that (isn't God kind to do that for us?) but it would seem to make sense when you tie in how much weight I gained and I do remember I didn't care. After I had Molly and was still so overweight I just remember feeling so disgusted with myself and for the first time in my life I was having to shop in the plus size section and my size was an 18 wide. Have you ever tried to find cute, feminine clothes in the plus size section?? Yet the amount of weight I had to lose still seemed so overwhelming and honestly, even though I hated the size clothes I had to wear, I adjusted and didn't have the motivation to do anything about it. Plus I was nursing so a strict diet was out of the question. I do remember when Molly was about a month old that I tried to run and was out of breath and feeling like I was going to die after only running a few hundred feet, and being so discouraged, I came home, not to try again for a few years. I did start to lose some weight when Molly turned a year old and went down a size, but I was still over 200 pounds. Then I got the surprise of my life when I got pregnant with Bethany.
I don't remember very well how I was doing emotionally, but I don't think I really watched what I ate. Then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was forced to follow a strict diet. At the time I was soooo upset about this for various reasons, not the least of which was the fact that I would not be able to have a home birth. It also ended up being somewhat of a financial burden with the extra specialist visits and weekly sonograms, and then the hospital birth and dr bills. At the time the Lord showed me to give thanks for this, which I did, though not fully understanding why in the world someone should give thanks for that! Looking back I can now see how the Lord used that for my good. I am pretty sure I would not have followed a strict diet had it not been for the health and safety of my baby. I only gained 27 pounds with that pregnancy and consequently was able to take it off very quickly. Bethany is now almost 2 years old and I now weigh less than before I got pregnant with Molly. How did that happen?? Well, I think it started with the changes God has brought in my marriage. We celebrated our 15th anniversary 5 months ago and my husband bought me a new wedding ring, which I have been asking for for quite some time. (Long, sad story about my first one which I will refrain from telling) I can only say that this somehow confirmed in my heart his love for me and the renewal of our marriage. Somehow that kind gift from God that I knew I didn't deserve just made me feel loved in a way I never had before. I think this is where part of the motivation came from to get in shape. I wanted to look good for my husband. There was other inspiration as well. A man at church had started running and lost 30 pounds. My dear friend Karen and Jeni were inspiring me with their new found love of running. So 4 months ago I decided that I was going to start running and I started a diet. I started out with The Fat Flush Plan < which I had done about 6 years ago with good results. I wanted a good jump start to keep me motivated and with this diet I lost about 11 pounds in the first 2 weeks. I have since been pretty much just following the South Beach Diet plan and with diet and exercise have lost a total of 29 pounds since April when I started. I try to run at least 3 miles every other day and have sometimes gone 4 and once even 5! Now I don't run the whole time as my heart is not there yet, and I speed walk in between, but I am definitely getting stronger and know I will get there. When I don't run I try to do a Billy Blanks Tae Bo video or any other video I have or check out from the library. I have also started strength training. I joined a gym back in April, but I don't go very often because I must go at 5 am or late at night and I don't like going alone. I also don't like being around strange men when I work out. I don't know if I will keep the gym membership, as I am thinking of doing the P90X program, which I have heard wonderful things about.

I cannot even express in words how thankful I am to God for giving me the motivation and desire to take care of His temple. I never would have done it if not for Him. I would still be stuffing my face with anything and everything and feeling worse and worse. I feel so much better NOW, have soooo much more energy and I am most happy to report that my depression and mood swings are gone since giving up sugar and bad carbs. ( I do still have sugar occasionally, but usually only once a week, maybe on Sunday) The regular exercise has done so much to help with stress levels and moods too. It just feels so good! And I have also realized how much the 2 really do go together. When I am exercising I naturally just want to eat right, but when I start to slack, I end up slacking with eating. So my encouragement to anyone reading this is to get up and start MOVING!!! Just do it!

There is also a HUGE spiritual aspect to the emotional stability I am now enjoying. He has shown me sooo much in the past few months, most importantly how I belong to Him forever and nothing will ever change that. I have struggled with assurance for my whole Christian life, so it is so comforting to finally know in my heart that He has set His love on me and will keep me to the end. What a motivation to love and serve Him with all my heart! Well, dear friends, that is all. Thanks for bearing with this very long post. I do most heartily give God all the thanks and glory for it all. Oh, the wonder and beauty of the Gospel!!

Before and after pictures to come soon!! Much love to all. Grace and peace be multiplied to you.

PS. I'm now a size 8. :)

John Piper - Make War

2010-08-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

I'm declaring war on myself, how about you?? You need to pause the music on the right side bar to listen to this EXCELLENT sermon jam.

Our family

2010-01-01T09:18:00.001-08:00

Veggie Lasagna

2009-12-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have ever posted a recipe here, but this one is really good! It is a lot of work, but really worth it! And it's healthy. It is from the cookbook, The Healthy Kitchen, by Andrew Weil M.D., and Rosy Daley.

Ok, this recipe is many steps.. You will really want to probably make the red sauce and spinach mixture ahead of time, like maybe 1 day. I guess you could do the eggplant too, but Ive always done the eggplant the same day. If you don't do it in steps, prepare to spend a few hours in the kitchen. :) I promise it is worth the effort for a really good and healthy meal once in a while. Obviously it's a special thing. I am making it for my friend Debby's b-day on the 14th. I also let the red sauce cook a lot longer than she says.

Marinara sauce
1 cup chopped onion
3 cloves garlic
1/2 cup chopped, peeled carrots
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 cup red wine
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried basil
16 blanched plum tomatoes, peeled and seeded. (I doubled the whole recipe and used 2 28 oz cans of crushed tomatoes, a good italian brand)
1/2 cup chopped mushrooms
1 tbsp honey or sugar
1/2 tsp salt or to taste
1 tbsp italian seasoning

Eggplant
1 medium eggplant, sliced length wise 1/2 inch
salt to taste
less than 1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tbsp olive oil

Spinach
2 bunches (about 1 pound) washed, stems removed
5 ounces goat cheese or ricotta cheese (I've done both and my family prefers ricotta. I think I do too)
1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1/8 tsp freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp chopped fresh basil (Ive done without this too, and it's just fine)

Basic white sauce
2 tbsp butter
2 cups milk
2 tbsp unbleached white flour
1/4 cup freshly grated parm cheese
1/4 cup thinly sliced scallions or green onions (ive done it without and it's fine)
1/8 tsp nutmeg, preferably freshly grated
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
3/4 tsp salt

Lasagna
12 sheets oven ready lasagna noodles (My favorite is the Barilla brand. They are totally flat and shorter, which makes it easier to assemble, IMO)
1 cup purified water
1 1/2 cups mozz cheese
10 kalamata olives, pitted and halved (I haven't tried these yet)

Make the marinara sauce; saute the onion, garlic, and carrots in the olive oil in a medium saucepan over low heat for 3 minutes. Add the red wine, oregano, and basil, and cook for additional 5 minutes until the wine is reduced by half. Add tomatoes, mushrooms, honey or sugar, salt, and italian seasoning, and continue to cook until mushrooms become limp, about 15 minutes.
Preheat the broiler.
Broil the eggplant; brush both sides with olive oil, salt lightly sprinkle on a little cayenne, and lay on a baking tray. Broil for 3 minutes on the middle rack under the broiler until it turns brown. Remove from the oven and let cool.
Prepare the spinach. Steam the spinach for 1 minute in a pot filled with 1/2 cup purified water. Remove from the heat and let cool. Squeeze the spinach to remove excess water. ( I roll it in a clean kitchen towel and squeeze both ends)
Put the softened goat cheese or ricotta in a medium bowl. Add spinach and mix together thoroughly with a fork.
Put the olive oil, onions, and garlic in a small saute pan over low heat. Saute for 2 minutes until the onions turn light golden brown. Remove from the heat and cool. Add it to the ricotta cheese and spinach mixture. Add the pepper and the fresh basil and mix again until all the ingredients are thoroughly blended in.
Make the white sauce.
melt the butter over med heat. Add flour and whisk for a few minutes until it's agolden brown color. Slowly add milk and whisk constantly. Allow sauce to simmer and thicken slightly, then turn off the heat. Mix in the cheese, spices, and salt. Cover with plastic wrap until ready to use.

Preheat oven to 375. To assemble the lasagna: Cover bottom of a deep baking dish with 1/2 cup red sauce. Lay 4 sheets if the oven ready noodles on top. Spoon the spinach filling over the noodles and spread it around until all of them are covered. Pour the white sauce on top, covering all the noodles. Lay 4 more sheets of noodles on top of the white sauce. Lay the eggplant slices lengthwise over the noodles. Sprinkle the mozz cheese on top. Pour 1 cup of red sauce over the cheese. Lay another 4 sheets of noodles over the sauce. Slowly pour the water over the lasagna stack. Pour the remaining red sauce on top of the noodles. Sprinkle the top with remaining mozz cheese and the olives. Cover with foil and cook for 1 1/2 hours.
Ok, because I doubled the recipe, I repeated layers once, and then I poured the water, sauce, cheese, and olives.

Enjoy!

On my mind right now

2009-11-16T13:02:00.001-08:00

Frank is out with the boys so I thought I would take a minute to record what a nice day I have had. Frank is off and I made a date with Joshua to go to Sweet Tomatoes. He has been asking for Mommy time for a while and that is his favorite restaurant. This month they also have the chicken pot pie soup I love. We had such a special and precious time. He had so much to share and I just listened happily. We laughed together about him taking care of me when Im old, which he says he'll be happy to do, except he'll let his wife help me to the bathroom. He said I will not go to a nursing home no matter what. HA HA! Let's hope not. Well, today has been a good day and I am thankful for that. Sometimes we are so short sighted and so "in the now" that we can't see the beautiful things God is doing in all our mess. Today was another glimpse. Thank you Lord.

A couple more great blogs

2009-11-06T05:15:00.000-08:00

Couponing 101

Money Saving Mom

Another great blog!!

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for free stuff. Go here.

Today, I went to Target and spent $37 and saved $44.22!!

Some great new blogs

2009-11-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

I have recently been introduced to the wonderful world of coupons!! I never really bothered with them before because it seemed like too much trouble, but with 2 teenage boys who eat almost nonstop, I am trying to cut my grocery bill any way I can these days!! With coupons and sales, like buy one get one free, you can really save some serious money! I have been making it a habit lately to save more than I spend. For instance, yesterday I spent 14.60 at Walgreens and saved almost $19! That's my kind of shopping! I want to be a good steward of what God has given us. I thought I would share a couple sites I have recently come across that are wonderful!! I hope you benefit from them as much as I have.

Go here, here and here to start saving!

Molly turns 3 and Mom rambles about life

2009-10-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

And so life is zooming by so fast... Can it really be 3 years? The calendar says so, but I just can't believe it. As I sat and watched son #2 walk by me the other day I just couldn't stop the tears. I remember this little boy sitting on my lap, hugging me and telling me I was his best friend. Now he is changing before my eyes and I wonder what God has in store for them. I have them such a short time. What am I doing with that time? Am I loving them enough? Am I making beautiful memories for them? Am I preparing them for what will undoubtedly be a very different reality than what I have known? Oh, I just want to stop and savor. I want time to stop racing on so fast. I want to stop being so busy that I can't be still and just enjoy this beautiful life God has given me. I want to always stop and read that book, play that game, talk about Adam and Eve.... Oh God, please help me. The tears are welling up again as I realize how much I missed with the boys. I don't want to miss it this time. I want to remember it all. I want to hold on and never let go. The truth is my life is so wrapped up in my children that I just cannot imagine life without them. Yet they are growing and becoming young men and soon I will have to let go. Sooner than I would like. So for now I will just stop and savor and love.

Molly acted so much like a girl today... well, sort of. She got new pink princess tennis shoes that light up from Joshua, who is always wanting to do for others.. She didn't take those shoes off all day, except to nap and go potty. She also got a couple games since she is always asking to play Upwords or whatever game the boys and I happen to be playing. She got another baby doll ... that makes 6 now I think which she doesn't have any interest in playing with. She asked her friend Sean if he wanted to play cars in the room. Yep, she is a pure tomboy through and through. I suppose I should have expected that with 4 older brothers.. Maybe Bethany will love the babies. Molly continues to delight us all and we frequently talk about how boring life would be without the girls. Nothing like having a baby and toddler in the house. God is just so kind and always giving. Ok, I am going to end this now. I am tired. Happy Birthday, dear Molly.

Today's prayer

2009-10-22T06:24:00.000-07:00

Father, may this home be a haven; a haven where all those who are weary may come and find you dwelling here in every part~ a haven of Your rest, Your love, Your peace, Your kindness, Your gentleness, Your goodness, Your longsuffering, Your GRACE. Oh Father, purge everything that offends and cleanse us and wash us. Empty us of ourselves and fill us with YOU. In Jesus' name, Amen.

For today... October 21,2009

2009-10-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

I saw this here and thought I would try it. I rarely can think of things to post these days...

Outside my window... bright and sunny

I am thinking... how much I am longing for more of His Holy Spirit to fill me. I have absolutely no righteousness of my own.

I am thankful for... everything, but most specifically for Molly's thankfulness. She thanks me for EVERYTHING.

I am wearing... a denim skirt and pink, capped sleeve top.

I am remembering... that God loves me, even though I may not "feel" it right now.

I am going... to start school right after this. (Yep, a late night last night)

I am reading...the book of Job.

I am hoping... to get a schedule worked on.

On my mind... lots of things. Most specifically the state of my children's souls.

From the learning rooms... ??? Boys doing school

Noticing that... my room needs a good deep cleaning.

Pondering these words...The sweetness of the lips increases learning. (Proverbs)

From the kitchen... Potato cauliflower soup with salad and fresh bread.

Around the house... Brendan and Jeremy doing virtual school, Josh and Andrew doing math, Molly playing with playdough

One of my favorite things~ cool, crisp days

2009-10-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

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Ok. And time to DELURK!

2009-10-18T10:20:00.001-07:00

I know I went crazy on photos, but it has been soooooo long since I have had the time to sit and post pictures! That is one thing I really liked about Facebook. It didn't take long at all to post pictures! I left there to try to focus on blogging again, though I still don't have the time to really post much. I am home from church with a sick child today, so that is why I am posting! Hope you enjoy all the pictures from this past year. God is so faithful and GOOD!

Now PLEASE!! If you are a faithful reader of this blog or even pop in now and again, PLEASE leave me a comment and let me know, or introduce yourself if I don't know you. I would really just like to know who is reading, especially since I post so many pictures of my kids. Thanks! I look forward to saying Hello!

2009-10-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

This year we celebrated Joshua's and Bethany's b-days together because they are only 2 days apart! We had some dear friends from church over.

2009-10-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

I am now the mother of 2 teenagers!! Jeremy turned 13 on the 8th.

2009-10-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Though I am finding the teen years to be much more challenging than I had anticipated, I am also greatly enjoying many aspects of it! May God give us much wisdom and grace.

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Molly enjoying a sip of a homemade frappucino!

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The above photo is why Bethany had earned the nickname Gorda or Gordita, which means pretty little fat girl in Spanish!

2009-10-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

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Proof that 2 almost 3 year olds are not smart liars:

2009-10-12T08:49:00.001-07:00

Molly comes up to me just now with a shopping receipt. Me to Molly, "Did you take that out of Mommy's purse?" Molly says no. I reply, "Where did you get it?" Molly's answer, "Your purse."

Off to have that talk and correction about lying. May she never be good at it.

Some thoughts on soul winning

2009-10-08T08:09:00.000-07:00

from Charles Spurgeon.

"If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for."

"Every Christian is either a missionary or an imposter."
~Charles Haddon Spurgeon

"I would sooner bring one sinner to Jesus Christ
than unravel all the mysteries of the divine Word,
for salvation is the one thing we are to live for."
~C.H. Spurgeon

"If there existed only one man or woman who did not
love the Savior, and if that person lived among the wilds
of Siberia, and if it were necessary that all the millions of
believers on the face of the earth should journey there,
and every one of them plead with him to come to Jesus
before he could be converted, it would be well worth all the
zeal, labor, and expense. If we had to preach to thousands
year after year, and never rescued but one soul, that one soul
would be full reward for all our labor, for a soul is of countless price."
~C.H. Spurgeon

"Do you want arguments for soul winning? Look up to Heaven, and ask yourself
how sinners can ever reach those harps of gold and learn their everlasting song,
unless they have someone to tell them of Jesus, who is mighty to save.
But the best argument of all is to be found in the wounds of Jesus.
You want to honor Him, you desire to put many crowns upon His head,
and this you can best do by winning souls for Him. These are the spoils
that He covets, these are the trophies for which He fights, these are the
jewels that shall be His best adornment." ~C.H. Spurgeon

"Lost! Lost! Lost! Better a whole world on fire than a soul lost!
Better every star quenched and the skies a wreck than a
single soul to be lost!" ~C. H. Spurgeon

"If there be any one point in which the Christian church ought
to keep its fervor at a white heat, it is concerning missions.
If there be anything about which we cannot tolerate lukewarmness,
it is the matter of sending the gospel to a dying world."
~C.H. Spurgeon

"When preaching and private talk are not available, you
need to have a tract ready....Get good striking tracts, or
none at all. But a touching gospel tract may be the seed of
eternal life. Therefore, do not go out without your tracts."
~C.H. Spurgeon

"To be a soul winner is the happiest thing in the world.
And with every soul you bring to Jesus Christ, you
seem to get a new heaven here upon earth."
~C.H. Spurgeon

Oh God, give us a terrible burden for the lost and make us soul winners!!

Molly is cute.... again

2009-09-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

Molly likes to climb in bed with us. Sometimes she will wake in the middle of the night and ask to climb in our bed. Knowing this stage will be long gone soon enough, I happily say yes. The other night before bed Molly and I were lying there and talking. I had just prayed with her; I am not sure how it all started but we were talking about sin and her sins during the day, how sin came into the world, etc. It was a precious conversation; she was so attentive and asking lots of questions. Well, this morning around 5 o'clock she climbed into my bed and whispers to me, "Can we talk about Adam and Eve?"

She must have enjoyed our talk as much as I did. I am thankful for that.

One year ago..

2009-09-18T10:27:00.001-07:00

my sweet little surprise gift from God was 5 minutes from entering the world. What a sweet blessing she has been to us. Happy Birthday Bethany!!! May you grow to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and bring great honor and glory to His name. We love you so much and are so thankful for you. I can only say I hope God has more surprises in store for us!!! Pictures to come later!! Right now we are getting ready to PARTY tonight with dear friends and celebrate one year of JOY!

Childlike Obedience

2009-07-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

God has declared in the gospel that whenever we come to him, we are to call upon him freely and openly as our Father, who has adopted us as his children. If we do not have this assurance, the thought of serving God will make us grind our teeth.

If, however, we are persuaded that God looks upon us favourably; if, though we are weak and can do nothing worthy of his approval, he accepts us in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, then we will surely be filled with courage.

We will be like a ship’s sail that has been stretched and filled by the breeze! Thus, our hearts will run to obey him, like a ship driven along by its sail, when we know that God delights in us and accepts our works, not wanting us to be compelled into servitude. He is happy for us to be his children, and that we desire to obey him.”

- John Calvin, Sermons on Galatians

The Holy Spirit's Work

2009-06-08T17:39:00.000-07:00

I am sooooo wanting to post pictures, but I am just too busy!! Whenever I get a good break, I will. I miss blogging, but I know this season will pass too quickly so I am trying to focus on what is most important, and that is loving and taking care of my husband and children. Love to all. Enjoy this devotion by Spurgeon. It's SOOOO GOOD!!!

“It is always the Holy Spirit’s work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan’s work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us pay attention to ourselves instead of to Christ. He insinuates, ‘Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you do not have the joy of His children; you have such a weak hold of Jesus.’ All these are thoughts about self, and we will never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self. He tells us that we are nothing, but that Christ is all in all.’”

- Charles Spurgeon, Morning by Morning

Come messy

2009-06-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

“Jesus does not say, ‘Come to me, all you who have learned how to concentrate in prayer, whose minds no longer wander, and I will give you rest.’ No, Jesus opens his arms to his needy children and says, ‘Come to me, all who are weary and heaven-laden, and I will give you rest.’

The criteria for coming to Jesus is messiness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.”

—Paul Miller, A Praying Life

No, Mr. President

2009-05-17T17:46:00.001-07:00

A Friday funny

2009-04-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

A man and his nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While there, the wife died. The undertaker told the husband, “you can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.” The man said he'd like to have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship her home, when it would be wonderful to bury her here and it would only cost $150?"

The man said, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Christ's Selflessness

2009-04-07T20:34:00.001-07:00

“His whole soul was swallowed up in God. "I seek not my own glory," was a declaration of unselfishness which found a living expression in every action of His life… Behold Him denying Himself of earth's comforts to promote the comfort of others; hungry Himself, yet feeding the famishing; weary, yet inviting and leading others to rest; Himself accused, yet vindicating the condemned. Was there ever such a spectacle of self-abnegation?

…He would walk forty miles in one day to take the living water to a poor sinner. He would stoop to unclasp the sandal and wash the feet of His erring disciple. He would stand still at the word of a blind beggar sitting by the wayside, and in response to his appeal, pour the light of day upon the sightless eye. He would go, when asked, to heal a sick servant. He would come, when bidden, to the house of mourning. He had an ear for every cry of sorrow, an eye for every spectacle of woe, a hand for every object of need, a heart for every appeal to human sympathy.

Yes, there was no service so wearisome, or, so distasteful, or so difficult, or so self-denying, in which He was not at home. The atmosphere most genial with His nature was laden with suffering, saturated with tears, vocal with sighs, and groans, and supplications. The homes most attractive to Him were those where poverty, sickness, and grief had found an entrance. Such was the pure, self-denying benevolence of Jesus! Well may it be said, "even Christ pleased not himself.” – Octavius Winslow, The Sympathy of Christ, pp.375-378

No, I haven't abandoned my blog...

2009-04-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy, but I also have a wee confession to make. I spend most computer time, which is, quite honestly, not very much, on Facebook. It is more interactive and I can feel more connected with my friends and family that I don't see or talk to. At this season in my life, it helps me stay in touch. However, I decided to try to take a hiatus from the computer altogether to focus on relationships with my children and husband. God has been at work and it is a joy to watch. Jeremy is showing very good signs of being converted. He has done a complete turnaround in his attitude towards his schoolwork, how he responds to Frank and I and his brothers, he has been so helpful and repents when he does wrong. He also has been waking up and having his own QT without any prodding. Praise God!! If God puts it on your heart ,please pray for him. He does seem to take after my personality and can get discouraged or distracted easily. I feel fully confident though knowing WHOSE hands he is in. There is not much more going on. Bethany is 6 months now if you can believe that and is trying to crawl. She gets up on her knees rocking back and forth, but hasn't gotten much past that. Molly is still a sweetie, so smart, and loves to help Mommy in the kitchen. One of my biggest regrets with the boys was not having them with me in the kitchen and allowing them to try and do stuff along with me. I am determined to remedy that and Molly just loves it. Last night I allowed her to tear up the lettuce for salad and spin it in the spinner, and last week she helped me make dessert for a fellowship meal. I am sure she felt so important and helpful when I let her hold the beaters herself. Not that I have given up on the boys in that department. Joshua got up the other day and made muffins, Andrew cut up the beautiful strawberries I got yesterday, and Jeremy is learning to make bread. He felt so proud yesterday when Daddy got home and he could tell him he had made the bread. (well, he had a little instruction from me)

I guess that is about all. I am really itching to post pictures as hubby has taken a lot, but it takes soooo long to upload them. I need to wait until I have a good block of time, so it will have to wait for now. But I will try to post some very soon.
Good bye for now and may God richly pour His blessings upon you!

Brotherly Kindness

2009-02-25T20:25:00.000-08:00

I have a wonderful little book called Stories Worth Re-reading, a compilation of short, character building stories for children. I was reading a story to Andrew today and came across this poem at the end. Just thought I would share it. It so blessed me. The Lord has really been speaking to me a lot lately about my tendency to be critical and negative. By His grace He is working that out of me, little by little. I so want to be an encourager, to speak words of grace and encouragement to people, especially my family, the people with whom I have the most contact and have the most influence over. This poem was also a good reminder.

Brotherly Kindness

A man may make a few mistakes,
Regardless of his aim,
But never, never criticize
And cloud him o'er with blame;
For all have failed in many things
And keenly feel the smarting stings,
Which haunt the mind by day and night
Till they have made offenses right.

So liberal be with those you meet
E'en though they may offend,
And wish them well as on they go
Till all the journey end.
Sometimes we think our honor's hurt
When someone speaks a little pert;
But never mind, just hear the good,
And ever stand where Patience stood.

Look for the good, the true, the grand
In those you wish to shun,
And you will be surprised to find
Some good in every one;
Then help the man who makes mistakes
To rise above his little quakes,
To build anew with courage strong,
And fit himself to battle wrong.
John Francis Olmsted

In other words, let's be as gracious with others as we want them to be with us.

May God bless you and keep you, may he make His face to shine upon you, be gracious to you, and give you peace.

Busy Days

2009-02-11T15:46:00.000-08:00

Wow!! I have been so busy with little time for blogging or anything extra for that matter. But I am so happy and devouring my Bible every day with my own quiet time and with the kids. I am actually so thankful for everything that is going on in our nation. Ok, I know that sounds crazy, but remember when we are told to give thanks in everything? But what I see is God's Spirit starting to move among His people and hopefully the fire will ignite and spread like crazy! Our prayer meetings have increased attendance and I see people coming out of their spiritual apathy and sharing the Gospel and getting serious with God again. (including me) God is using this for our good and I, for one, am excited. And I also know that God IS IN CONTROL of a nation that seems to spiraling out of control.

With that intro... here is another awesome and TIMELY devotion from Charles Spurgeon. I believe that our prosperity in the last years have produced spiritual apathy and been a stumbling block to the Bride of Christ!

I know how to abound.”
— Philippians 4:12 There are many who know “how to be abased” who have not learned “how to abound.” When they are set upon the top of a pinnacle their heads grow dizzy, and they are ready to fall. The Christian far oftener disgraces his profession in prosperity than in adversity. It is a dangerous thing to be prosperous. The crucible of adversity is a less severe trial to the Christian than the refining pot of prosperity. Oh, what leanness of soul and neglect of spiritual things have been brought on through the very mercies and bounties of God! Yet this is not a matter of necessity, for the apostle tells us that he knew how to abound. When he had much he knew how to use it. Abundant grace enabled him to bear abundant prosperity. When he had a full sail he was loaded with much ballast, and so floated safely. It needs more than human skill to carry the brimming cup of mortal joy with a steady hand, yet Paul had learned that skill, for he declares, “In all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry.” It is a divine lesson to know how to be full, for the Israelites were full once, but while the flesh was yet in their mouth, the wrath of God came upon them. Many have asked for mercies that they might satisfy their own hearts’ lust. Fulness of bread has often made fulness of blood, and that has brought on wantonness of spirit. When we have much of God’s providential mercies, it often happens that we have but little of God’s grace, and little gratitude for the bounties we have received. We are full and we forget God: satisfied with earth, we are content to do without heaven. Rest assured it is harder to know how to be full than it is to know how to be hungry—so desperate is the tendency of human nature to pride and forgetfulness of God. Take care that you ask in your prayers that God would teach you “how to be full.” “Let not the gifts thy love bestows
Estrange our hearts from thee.”

Communion with God

2009-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

A good reminder for us all. It is all too easy to let the tasks of the day hinder our quiet time with the Lord. Especially homeschooling moms!!

A Daily Time of Focused Communion with God

Many readers are familiar with the old classic Practicing the
Presence of God, and that is an excellent habit to cultivate. But the
foundation of that has to be a time of focused personal communion
with God, and it needs to be daily. Demas didn’t just wake up one
day and make a 90-degree turn. That doesn’t happen. Demas drifted
little by little toward the attractions of the world. And if you and I do
not practice this daily focused time of communion with God, we will
find ourselves also drifting in the wrong direction.
In my Navy days before we had global positioning satellites we
used a sexton to get our navigational position twice each day. At
dawn and at dusk we would “shoot the stars” and get a position. And
invariably after having done that, we had to make a minor course correction.
Obviously if we didn’t do that, not only daily but in our case
twice a day, we would soon find that we were way off course.
You and I also need that daily course correction, and we do this
as we have this focused time with God. Demas was in love with this
present world. Each of us, whether believer or unbeliever, is in love
with something. Demas was in love with the world. The apostle John
said, “Do not love the world” (1 John 2:15). But we cannot just “not
love the world” and have a vacuum in our hearts. In order to not love
the world we have to love God. And our time of daily focused communion
with God is a time when that love of God and his love for us
is refreshed in our hearts.

Jeff Bridges

Molly is cute

2009-01-24T11:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, I want to document this one.... Molly is just at one of my FAVORITE ages!! Oh, she is so cute and sweet! No wonder Jesus said to let the little children come to Him and not forbid them. I like being around kids more than adults sometimes. They keep it real!!

I am trying to train Molly to say please and thank you all the time.
A couple weeks ago she wanted a bite of something and I leaned in close and said in a soft voice, "What's the secret word?" Her reply, "Jesus!" with a big smile.

May God save her early and may Molly shine for Him and glorify Him in all she does.

Unbelief

2009-01-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

Unbelief a great sin

“Beloved friends, let us never look upon our own unbelief as an excusable infirmity, but let us always regard it as a sin, and as a great sin, too. Whatever excuse you may at any time make for others—and I pray you to make excuses for them whenever you can rightly do so—never make any for yourself. In that case, be swift to condemn.

It is a very easy thing for us to get into a desponding state of heart, and to mistrust the promises and faithfulness of God, and yet, all the while, to look upon ourselves as the subjects of a disease which we cannot help, and even to claim pity at the hands of our fellow-men, and to think that they should condole with us, and try to cheer us.

It will be far wiser for each one of us to feel, ‘This unbelief of mine is a great wrong in the sight of God. He has never given me any occasion for it, and I am doing him a cruel injustice by thus doubting him. I must not idly sit down, and say, This has come upon me like a fever, or a paralysis, which I cannot help; but I must rather say, This is a great sin, in which I must no longer indulge; but I must confess my unbelief, with shame and self-abasement, to think that there should be in me this evil heart of unbelief.’”

—Charles Spurgeon, “Unbelievers Upbraided” (a sermon on Mark 16:14)

(HT: Pyromaniacs)

Enjoy the pictures!

2009-01-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

I am home sick from church this morning so decided this was the best time to post my photos. There will be quite a lot, most from Christmas with others scattered throughout. Hope you enjoy them! Oh, and here is another quick amazing blessing from God. Yesterday, we received an email from a family in our church who are moving that they were giving away an entertainment center that they didn't plan to take with them. So NOW I have a beautiful entertainment center to go with my couches!! It is beautiful real cherry wood in great condition with lots more storage. The other one we had for 13 years since we have been married and it was in ok shape. I never had even thought about having a new wall unit, so that was just a nice "surprise". He just keeps on giving and giving and giving. What a God we serve!

I will take pictures of it all when the couches get here!

We had a very busy Christmas day, as usual! In the morning,
the kids opened their gifts from Frank and I, which sadly, we
did not take pictures of! We set a limit of $10 per child, and we
stuck to it. Joshua got a pocket knife, Jeremy got an Indiana
Jones Lego set, Brendan got a Swiss Army knife, Molly got
some puzzles, and Andrew got a stuffed animal he had wanted.
Hubby bought me some new cd's and books that I had on my
Amazon wish list, and I bought him books, a new Bible, and 2
new dress shirts.

Then it was off to Denny's for a Christmas/birthday breakfast
with Frank's mom, sister, uncle, and grandparents. This is a
tradition that has been going for many years now and we always
look forward to it.

These pictures are not in the right order and I just don't have the
patience anymore to sit here and try to organize them! Here is Joshua
showing off his Peyton Manning jersey that tia bought him!
This was actually our last stop of the day. I was really tired at
this point!

Andrew showing off his new Lego set!

Molly had a hard time not touching this little village that

Grandma had set up!

Me, Mom, and my beautiful sister (you can see who got the looks in my family!

whom I hadn't see

in a looooong time!
It was wonderful to be together again for Christmas.

My children and my nephews. My sister has 2 other older

boys also.

Enjoying the Wii for the first time in their life!

My handsome hubby and his sister!

AWWW, aren't we cute??

Goofball Jeremy!

Oh, this picture of Molly with her incredibly handsome Daddy
is my
FAVORITE!!

Molly with her "tia". (spanish for Aunt. This is Frank's sister
whom we adore. She is a wonderful aunt who loves her
nieces and nephews to pieces.

Ok, the next three pictures below need some explaining.

Frank, my dear, wonderful husband, is Cuban, and their

tradition is to have a big meal on Christmas Eve where they

roast a whole pig! Frank's uncle and grandfather are attending

to it here. His uncle builds this pit every year and we enjoy

roast pork with black beans and rice for dinner, plus Cuban bread

and yuca with a garlic oil sauce. (My personal fave)

The first Christmas we were together, Frank took me to

dinner at his family's. I had never heard of this tradition before.

Well, they had the pig's head on the food TABLE, and I was so grossed

out, I refused to eat.

One of Molly's present from Grandma Peggy (my Mom)

was a stroller to push her babies in! What a time I had

putting that together! (Daddy was at work) But finally,

after much frustration and perseverance, I did it!!

Bethany sucks her thumb!

My mil cutting her birthday cake!

Molly enjoying a little 3 wheeler my friend gave her.

Molly, looking like a princess before church, in one of her new Christmas

dresses.

Molly enjoying the scooter Joshua and Brendan bought

her for Christmas.

Aunt Nancy, do you recognize this outfit? :)

Below is one of Mommy's favorites!

More blessings

2009-01-05T16:23:00.001-08:00

Look at the belated baby/Christmas gift I got yesterday!! This beaufiful blanket for Bethany was made by a dear Christian lady that used to attend our church. There is also a little story behind it. I saw one of her blankets at a baby shower I attended almost 5 years ago and thought if I ever had another baby I would want her to make me one. Sadly, she moved away before I ever had Molly. Well, her sister in law still attends our church and we were talking about the beautiful blankets Melba used to make, and I just happened to mention to her how much I had wanted one back then. A few weeks after that conversation: This is what I was blessed to open yesterday at church. I was holding back the tears as I opened it and realized what it was. Now I have the most beautiful blanket to pass down to my children. Melba is also suffering with breast cancer right now, so that made it all the more special. Isn't it so pretty? I absolutely LOVE IT!

And God amazed us again with ANOTHER blessing!

Today I went and picked out our couch. We actually ended up getting 2 because we need the extra seating. The couches were on back order so the pictures will have to wait until February. :) When I got home today, hubby informed me that we had received a check from our mortgage company because we had too much in our escrow account. It was almost in the EXACT amount of the second couch!!

When time allows I have LOTS of pictures to upload, just not now. The boys and Frank went to a basketball game tonight so it is just Mom and the girls. Molly is needing Mama time right now and I also need to clean my room! Blessings and much love to all my readers...

The way God provides

2008-12-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been sooooo long since I have really updated this blog. Things have been as busy as you would expect when there are 6 children in the house, but delightfully so. Christmas was a lovely and very busy day. The best part about it was being able to see my sister and nephews again after a few years of not seeing them. Hubby got a new camera that he is really enjoying playing with (new pictures coming!!) and I received a bunch of new worship cd's and books that I am immensely enjoying. Now I am just trying to get the house in order again to start school as soon as possible. Bethany is doing great, she smiles and coos so much and is sleeping all night. She hasn't been fussy like she used to be either. Oh, they grow so fast!

Well, now that I have updated that part...God has amazed me again with His kindness to us!! Our couch was, to say the least, in horrible condition. We have had it for about 8 or 9 years and the cushions were shredding, it was faded and just very yuk! It was to the point where I was embarrassed to have anybody over. Every time I would look at it I was so tempted (and sometimes did) complain about that couch and how awful it was. Then the Lord would convict me of my sin and I would always try to think about how blessed I was to have something to sit and relax on and how blessed I was to have this beautiful home. I would also say a sheepish little prayer asking for a new couch, thinking it was a small matter and not very important. After all, it is only furniture!! Ok, you may remember our neighbors, who have really become very dear to us. At Christmas, they wanted to buy us a new TV since the tube on ours is going bad. I just did not want a new tv at all and I am actually looking forward to the day when ours breaks! (OK, yes, I am WEIRD, but that's ok!) Tv can be a real timewaster and a stumbling block. My husband and I both agreed that a new TV just would not be good for our home. Well, our neighbors really wanted to do something for us, in fact we thought we might actually offend them if we didn't allow them to buy us a family gift. So guess what we are getting instead??? A NEW COUCH!!!!!!

Isn't God so cool?

Hubby and Molly rock!

2008-12-22T06:48:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

22 Word challenge

2008-12-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

Abraham Piper over at 22 Words asked his readers for funny kid stories and we had to make them 22 words. I love the books he is giving away, plus I love telling stories about my kids, so here is mine:

One time I was asking my son Joshua what happened to Lot's wife when she looked back. His reply: "She was salted."

Playing around

2008-12-10T11:41:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

They are worth it

2008-12-05T18:56:00.000-08:00

Words fail me except to say I really love my children, I am so incredibly thankful for them, so in love with them, and they are so worth it; the"it" being the rough stuff that goes along with having children. I am truly a very blessed woman. And oh yeah, I really love my hubby too!! He made my heart swoon when he brought home flowers.

Thank you Lord

Faith Omnipotent

2008-11-10T06:31:00.000-08:00

I am really swamped with life right now, but in a really good way! I am busy getting to love on and care for a wonderful husband, 6 amazing children, including snuggling, nursing, kissing a sweet, sweet, almost 8 week old (gasp) baby girl. So I am posting this great devotion from my inbox.

'…God wants not our power, but our weakness; not our greatness, but our nothingness. Oh, brother, if God has called thee to a work that is ten times harder than you have strength to perform, go and do it in his strength, and "all things are possible to him that believeth." I would that this age would breed a few extravagant men: we are getting so dull, so cold, so common-place—we all run in the same cart-rut, imitating one another; in the sight of one of the heroes of old, we little men do walk under their huge legs, and peep about to find ourselves dishonorable graves; and all this is because we have left off faith. Let a man believe that God has called him to a mission; let him say, "Forward, in God's name!" and that man will tell upon his times, and carve his name in the rock of ages, and leave memorials behind him which angels shall gaze upon when the names of emperors and kings have been swept into oblivion… I fear me there are many of you still that have not come to the fullness of the meaning of faith. To live in a region of miracles, to be called fanatics, to see God's hand as visibly as you see your own, to recognize Him as greater than second causes, to find Him as one whose arm you can move, whose power you can command, to stand in an extraordinary position, far above the place where reason can put you—to know that you are a distinguished, separated, specially-favored child of God. Oh! this is heaven begun below… we live so much on "the things that are seen," that we cannot do a rash, brave, imprudent act for the Master. God help us to do it!'

- C.H. Spurgeon, Faith Omnipotent (Vol. 8, #474)

Molly's 2nd birthday

2008-11-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

Without really trying I guess the theme was housekeeping
this year. Brendan, Jeremy, and Andrew all contributed
their own money to buy her a play food set.

Mommy and Daddy bought her the play dishes

Joshua, who is my most generous child, wanted to buy her
his own present that was only from him. He bought her the
pots and pans set.
He also bought her a toy mixer set. He would have spent
all his money on her if I had allowed him to, which I would
not. It was very sweet though, that he wanted to buy her
so much.

Playing together... the boys had as much fun as she did!

I LOVE this picture!!

Daddy trying to figure out a toy...

Our dear friends Matt and Jessi from church came to celebrate

with us.

Their scrumtious baby Charlie... Isn't he a DOLL?

She needed a little help with the candle! But she knew what

to do!

The cute little Marlins dress she is wearing is from my friend Lori.

The boys weren't too fond of it since they aren't Marlin fans, but boy

she sure looked cute in it!!

I had a hard time trying not to spoil her. It is our first girl and she doesn't have any toys that are "hers". She has her babies, but she doesn't really play with them too much yet. She seems to really enjoy the kitchen toys too. We also bought her a play ironing board and iron.

Can I just say I cannot believe it has been 2 years??!! Just magnifies the need to cherish and hold onto every moment of this precious time in their lives. Before I know it, this season will be distant memories, but sweet ones for sure. I am so thankful for the wonderful children God has given me. Yes, they try me, stretch me, make me crazy sometimes, and God uses them plenty to sanctify me... But I love them so very much and am so humbled that God loaned them to me.

It motivates me all the more to be a better mother to them.

2008-10-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

These were taken when we had fellowship with a family from
church a couple weeks ago.

Beloved

2008-10-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

By Kari Jobe
If you want to listen to this absolutely beautiful song, it is on my playlist. Just hit the forward button to get to it.

2008-10-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

Molly gives Bethany LOTS of kisses!

Bethany is the first baby since Brendan that likes the paci

Blessings Overflowing

2008-10-17T10:51:00.003-07:00

God has been abundantly blessing us lately and I wanted to record it and share!

1.The early, easy delivery of Bethany and my speedy recovery. This was a direct answer to prayer.

2.Bethany's size. I had actually wanted a smaller baby for a change and the Lord even granted that desire. I had even thought of it as kind of silly and not very important. She was my smallest at 7lb 2 oz. I never prayed for this and that is one of the neatest things about it. God is just amazing!!

3.God has provided us with 4 huge boxes of diapers, at least enough to last a couple months.

4.When Bethany was first born, we didn't have enough seats in our van for all of us since it was only a 7 passenger. We knew we could not afford a bigger van right now as that would mean more gas plus a monthly payment. Somebody at church suggested that we try to find a 3 seat bench for the middle row as our van had that option for a larger bench. Frank found a nice one at a junk yard for only $100!! Now we can all take one vehicle again! YEAH!!!

5.God has also answered a huge prayer about homeshooling. Things haven't been going very well in that dept for a while and I have been praying and praying for direction. My husband suggested Switched on Schoolhouse and at first I did not want to do it. Then he said again he thought that is what we should go with. My dearest friend here was suggesting the same. I was like, ok Lord seems like you are really trying to tell me something here. But I still felt hesitant and not having peace about it. The other day as I was praying, the peace and assurance that this was His will for us right now with homeschooling came and I felt so unburdened and happy for the first time in so long! (about homeschooling) We will be using it for Joshua and Jeremy.

6.The boys were evaluated yesterday and they all tested above grade levels in everything but Math, which she hasn't graded yet. The biggest surprise though was Andrew!! The reason it was such a surprise was because he is the one that has been the most neglected because the other boys have just taken up so much of my time. He is reading on almost a 4th grade level and his comprehension is higher, almost 5th. He also did very well on spelling and math. I was actually shocked since I have barely done anything with him.

7. Molly is back to her mostly sweet self and has been for a while!

9. Even with all the lack of sleep I am currently able to make it through the day with no nap, and I generally feel very good.

10. I had wanted a Moby wrap to carry Bethany in since she likes to be held and fusses when we put her down. Frank originally was against it because he didn't think I would use it. I appealed to him and told him I would. Then another money gift came in the exact amount of the wrap and I got it! Bethany LOVES being in there and it always soothes her crying. I also love having her right there with me again.

11. The boys have been such a blessing and extra helpful with things around here. Brendan is going to learn to cook and Jeremy has volunteered to do laundry.

12. Molly is completely potty trained now and out of diapers except at night. She mostly wakes up dry so it probably won't be long before she is out of them altogether. Well, I could probably go on and on, but I need to get off here now. God has been so good and kind to us. Praise Him!!

Oh my , I can't believe I almost forgot this huge one. The hospital bill was 75% less than I had anticipated!!

AND the gestational diabetes diagnosis turned out to be a huge blessing, resulting in a strict diet. Therefore, I have lost all but 5 pounds of my pregnancy weight gain.

God is good!!! Thank you Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Family photo and Bethany at 3 weeks

2008-10-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

Wow it can be hard to get a good picture, especially when the sun
is right in your face. This was the best of the bunch, except for Molly
looking away.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's not really wordless.
This is Daddy on his last day of his 2 week vacation... I guess we really wore him out, huh?
Come to think of it, this seems a little backwards. Seems like it should be me instead of
him...

2008-10-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Elaine (who watched my children when I went to the hospital) with her two girls and 2 of her nephews came to see me and Bethany at the hospital. The children LOVED holding Bethany. It was a joy to watch them.

More scenes from around the house lately...Jeremy snuggling Bethany while reading. Aren't those cheeks so smoochable?? There is a LOT of that going on around here, trust me!!

I took Bethany to the dr yesterday and she is 7 pounds 10 ounces and 21 inches long. She is STILL smaller than 4 of my other children at birth weight!! Though she is long.

Incidentally, today was my due date...Yes, 2 weeks ago right now I realized labor was real and was getting ready to leave for the hospital.
Still just so overwhelmed by God's kindness in allowing me to go so early. I had always wanted a smaller baby. It seemed even silly to me to want that, but apparently God even cares about what we think is silly sometimes.

Isn't she such a cutie??

Now I return to snuggling Bethany and tending to the rest of my flock.

Brendan's birthday

2008-10-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

September is a busy month for us with birthdays! (we now have 3!!) Brendan celebrated his 14th on the 28th. By the way, that homemade Oreo ice cream cake is YUM! It's funny how their requests for gifts change as they get older. This year it was all about building muscles and skateboarding. He requested and received a weight set, the Push Up Pro to help do better push ups, and a skateboard. We celebrated his birthday on Saturday since we had church on Sunday (his actual birthday) and would not be able to see family. Then we took pictures Sunday morning before church.

Joshua's birthday

2008-10-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Joshua's 10th birthday on September 16th, 2 days before his sister Bethany was born. Our neighbors, the Tabor's have really taken to the children and came to celebrate with us.