Since I can't really confront the people that have hurt me and I must get it out, I choose to do so here. I have been wounded. I have been rejected by some whom I have loved so very dearly and so desired a friendship with. Part of me even feels silly, but then again, the hurt and pain is just not going away. I know I can't confront the person because they would likely just blow me off or not understand it and I really think at the heart of it lies a personality thing. But it still hurts. No matter the differences in personality I really love this person and knew I could learn a lot from their godly maturity. But they don't seem to want a friendship with me. And that hurts. It hurts a lot. And Father, You already know it, so I don't have to say it, but somehow typing it out helps.
And the truth is, You are teaching me through rejection. Teaching me that I can only really depend on You. That You are really all I need at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks of me. Oh, how my self worth has always been determined by others and oh, how I want to be free from that. Father, my sense of worth is in You alone. Please let that sink in.
You know something? Being made the kind of person I am, sensitive and all that, life has held a whole lot of emotional pain and rejection at the heart of that pain. Rejection by the very ones I loved and admired the most. Well, I know YOU know that. But I am also realizing how good it has been for me. I am finally seeing past the pain at the good You had in mind. The good of being able to enter into other people's pain, the good of being able to care about and carry their burdens, the ability to love so fervently and care so deeply. I don't think I ever would have possessed these things if it wasn't for the pain You so lovingly allowed in my life. So now I know there is always a reason to give thanks for everything, even what was written above. Thank you for giving me eyes to see.
There is a song by Sinead O Connor that I recently put on my iPod and David Crowder even did a remake I believe. There is a line at the end that goes like this. I'm not really sure she was talking about or to God. Knowing what I do about her, she probably wasn't. But, oh, those words hold such powerful truth.
Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for tearing me apart
Now I've a strong, strong heart
Thank you for breaking my heart
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I am wounded
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4 encouraging messages for Tina:
:( Tina, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. *hugs* Will keep you in my prayers. The good thing out of this is that the The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.Psalm 34:18. xoxo
Yes, sweet Nina, you are so right! Thank you sister.
I happened upon your blog while sitting killing time, looking at Facebook posts of my friends. My wife and I am slowly coming to the end of a two year struggle where we were badly hurt by several people from our previous church, some of these people we have known for over 25 years, so, I very much understand what you are saying.
I believe God puts us thru these situations to teach us to control hurt, anger, resentment, cynical attitudes and most importantly, to not keep looking to the past but to look to Christ.
I will tell you one sad thing I have learned and that is some of the most harmful, hateful, mean, nasty comments I ever hear, come from people who profess to be followers of Christ.
The wounds will heal and as they do it is because you hold Christ closer to your heart and these things will not effect you as much. I like Nina's scripture in her comment Psalm 34:18.
Take care.
Hi Mace, I recognize you as Jeni Thompson's friend on FB. :) thanks for the encouraging words... what you said about Christians is very sad indeed. May God help us!!
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